The Art of Collaboration in a Power-Over World: Rethinking Conflict Resolution
By Julia Menard, MEd, CertConRes, PCC
This article explores the evolving role of mediators in a world increasingly dominated by power-driven leadership. It challenges the misconception that accommodation equals collaboration and emphasizes the need for mediators to integrate power strategically while maintaining a commitment to relationships. True collaboration requires agility across all conflict styles and the ability to wield power in service of love, justice, and meaningful resolution.
The last few months have been challenging for us peace-seeking mediators. The world has turned decidedly more power-over oriented. We’re seeing more leaders displaying competitive tactics that resemble classic positional bargaining — and those strategies are being modeled as the preferred way of leading, negotiating, and relating.
That is actually the good news.
We know this style. It’s the competitive style. What’s different now is that it’s moved into primacy. In a world that increasingly says it’s okay to dominate others and disregard voices that challenge, we are being invited — urgently — to rethink our approach.
In this moment, our work matters more than ever.
A mediative approach to power is a power-with orientation. That’s what we stand for when we promote alternative dispute resolution methods — an alternative to the dominant power-over paradigm.
And we must model this approach steadfastly.
Whether it’s in mediation, pre-mediation, conflict coaching, or a talking circle, simply choosing to listen — truly listen — models a different kind of power. The times call us to evolve: from prioritizing relationships alone to embracing a power-with orientation. Power-with means honoring both goals and relationships. It asks us to redefine power — not as domination or submission, but as mutual agency and shared responsibility.
Technically, this is the collaborative conflict style. I’ve always appreciated the Thomas-Kilmann or Kraybill conflict styles as frameworks for understanding how we respond to conflict:
- Competing: Aiming to win at all costs, disregarding relationships → power-over
- Accommodating: Valuing relationships highly, often at the expense of goals → power-under
- Avoiding: Suppressing issues, leading to unresolved conflicts → no power
- Compromising: Seeking quick solutions that don’t address root problems → partial power
- Collaborating: Combining strengths to achieve mutual goals → power-with
What I’ve noticed over the years as a mediator, coach, and teacher is this: true collaboration means having strength in all the styles.
It means being agile and flexible in our thinking — able to see many sides, understand different motivations, and respond skillfully to what’s needed in the moment. It’s not weakness. It’s not softness. It’s wisdom in action. It’s power in service of love.
If we, as mediators and collaborative leaders, try to meet power-over with more power-over — with blame or dominance — we will surely lose. We are not built for that game. As Gandhi is famously quoted: “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”
Instead, our job is to stay grounded. To speak to power with clarity and neutrality — what Krishnamurti called: “the ability to observe without evaluating.” These are higher-order skills that are required of us now — in this volatile, shifting world.
It’s not the time to fall into blame — of ourselves or others.
It’s the time to level up:
- Our skills
- Our compassion
- Our belief in what we do.
Let’s advocate for power-with. Let’s keep hearing multiple perspectives. Let’s model how love and power, together, can be transformative.
As Martin Luther King Jr. so eloquently said:
“Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.
Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love.”
Let power — in service to love — be your guiding light and sword.
Julia Menard is a mediator, educator, author, podcaster and coach who helps leaders navigate conflict with courage and is the co-founder of the On Conflict Leadership Institute which equips leaders with the skills to transform difficult conversations into collaboration and change.
